The Dog Ate My Homework
Regular visitors will have noticed a dearth of posts here on ScrawlBug over the past two or three weeks (and some people did notice, which is nice). I’ve been away for some very real reasons, so thought I would offer my excuses. The truth is out there…
I Lost My Mojo
It happens to us all, man – you get frozen in a block of ice in the Swinging Sixties and next thing you know, Dr. Evil sends one of his henchmen from the future to stick a needle in you and steal your mojo. It’s just not groovy, baby.
So there I sat, in front of my computer screen, waiting for Basil to call instead of getting down and shagging (or writing). And to make matters worse, my lady turned out to be a FemBot!
I Was Abducted By Aliens
I was out walking, headed into town to buy some bean sprouts and Cornish pasties, when suddenly a glowing, orange sphere descended from the heavens. I thought I was hallucinating as some short, scrawny-looking, grey-skinned creatures with big eyes emerged.
They took me into their ship but, instead of performing experiments on me (no doubt involving futuristic techniques and long, metallic things being jammed into uncomfortable orifices), they served me Earl Grey tea and wanted to discuss the latest Harry Potter film.
I Caught Platypus Flu
It was horrible. Hot flushes, projectile vomiting and explosive diarrhoea. I grew a bill and had a sudden, overwhelming desire to lay eggs and swim in freshwater rivers. I asked my doctor what was wrong, but he just laughed.
Thankfully, a prescription for fresh fish, a two-week round trip to Australia and regular visits to a psychoanalyst cured me. I don’t think there’ll be a press release from the World Health Organisation.
Chuck Norris’s Dog Ate My Homework
I reinstalled World of Warcraft and joined a Chuck Norris guild. My mental state decayed quickly and I found myself worrying about whether I should try to run Razorfen Downs solo on my level 40 Paladin. Prices in the Auction House kept me awake at night. I was haunted by the ghost of Hogger. When I slept, fitful dreams of talent builds woke me, beads of cold sweat on my brow.
Pirates Boarded My Computer
Arr, me hearties! It were a bad day on the Internet Sea! Yon pirate vessel, Jolly Roger a-flyin’ in the strong westerly, came broadside. Me swabbies put up a fight, but we was outmanned and, cutlasses flashin’ under the hot, virtual sun, them buccaneers came aboard. They raped and pillaged, stole me writin’s and sailed away, laughing as they went.
What’s your excuse?
Been helping out at Torchwood the last few days trying to catch the writermind stealer, even though mine went somewhere long ago, probably around the time of Woodstock. Government have been forced by the out of spacers to reach into writer’s minds and remove the desire to work. Torchwood is having a hard time as they just sit and throw paper airplanes around, seemed like their minds had been reached to so I thought sod it and got down to some work.
Spikey – you silly boy. It’s nice to know that even if your muse is MIA, your sense of creativity and humor is in tact.
I’m going to have to file these away in case I need a good excuse for something in the future.
George
A lot of folks start with a lot of energy only to fade away later.
Sue: Sounds like they’re using the right kind of drugs, at least…!!
George: I was going to say “I’ve been busy and sick”, but it was far less interesting. How about “I planted some broccoli in my shoulder to see if I could grow a second head, but the secondary effects of having vegetables rooted in my skin were unpleasant. I’ve just got back from major surgery to remove it.”?
Steven: That is, indeed, one of my ongoing fears – losing the rhythm, losing the impetus, losing my sanity…
LMAO! I love this! See, you are funny
Would have commented earlier but;
Was chasing Lee-roy Jenkins into battle and got wasted.
During a session juggling strawberry jelly, slipped on some discarded lemon jelly and… Well it hurt.
Ferret escaped its cage and we have spent all this time looking for string for our trouser (Pant) legs.
Looked in freezer and HORROR, all ice cream gone, formed ‘The Seven’ and set forth on quest for the divine dessert.
I started studying and began having a life, instead of spending my hours having a pseudo life online. Hours at the computer now involve mostly doing real things, like doing homework and working, not wandering around the online world like a dazed donkey.
I love youse all, online friends, but I got to get meself trained up and I got to earn more than fifty cents an hour!
Sorry, that was just me having a whinge. I’ll try again.
I’m on the track of the dream stealer, the one who’s been encouraging the childers to play online instead of in the garden. The one who takes the good things in our heads and leaves behind mud and filth.
The dream stealer, he’s out there. Live your dream and confound the dream stealer, and if you see the scoundrel, let me know.
Andy ~ There’s your problem! You were juggling the wrong flavoured jelly … how many times do I have to tell you, it has to be blackcurrant *sighs and rolls eyes*
@gardendog
Ya know, lots of folks who have ‘real lives’ don’t have much that I’d consider interesting. A lot of them flit from meaningless conversation to meaningless conversation which usually encompasses the drama of their lives and the gossip of the lives of others. That’s hardly of interest to me. Then there are the party goers: they go from one alcoholic binge to the next – often indiscriminate of where they pass out and not terribly concerned with what they do. Even the folks who have a common interest with me – the poets, writers, and their ilk, often laud each other with accolades which no one deserves, in the hopes that they might also win undeserved accolades. Then there are the pseudo intellectual groups which jostle with poorly understood vocabularies to repartee their political issues. These usually don’t understand the merits of their own memorized arguments and are therefore poorly equipped for any serious debate. They substitute loud voices for compelling arguments and interrupt in an effort to prevent others from contradicting them.
At least online, no one can interrupt my speech. I can make a complete statement, here for example, without anyone butting in, cutting off one of my long winded tirades. I, like Spike, enjoy the written word. It frees me and empowers me far better than the spoken word. It’s easier to avoid the tripe I care nothing for, and emerge myself in the tripe I do care for.
“Getting a real life” is overrated and something I have little interest for.
Kate: Funny in the head, me.
Andy: Ooh, a Leeroy reference and ice cream in the same comment – I’m impressed! (And if you found the dessert, I’ll be over later…)
Carolyn: LOVE the “dream stealer” bit. Very poetic, young lady! And good luck with the real life – much, much tougher than a virtual one.
Steven: Oh, it was so tempting to edit that comment using my Mad Admin Skillz just to butt in.
That “tripe” sentence sums things up beautifully: it’s all tripe, but some of it’s great and some of it’s stupid. I’d still rather eat ice cream, though.