The Mystery Men Are Freelancers

Freelancers can learn a lot from the Mystery Men: we’d all love to be superheroes, after all. Thing is, we’d love to be the first-string superheroes, like Captain Amazing, not the also-rans.

But look closer. Captain Amazing is an egotistical, marketing-oriented idiot who releases a super-villain purely so he can look good by recapturing the bad guy.That’s like writing SEO articles in bulk and claiming it’s quality work. Surely we’d be better off emulating one of the other heroes?

The Shoveler

Dedicated, honest and straightforward, the Shoveler is like many fledgeling freelancers: he’s terribly serious, polite and understated. He knows he has something to offer, but he’s not sure exactly what he’s doing wrong until he learns to diversify.

“You must lash out with every limb, like the octopus who plays the drums,” The Sphinx tells him.

So the freelancer must, too, use every skill in their portfolio to sound out a profitable rhythm. Don’t limit yourself to just one subject or one form of writing: try something new!

The Blue Rajah

He has great language skills – an extensive vocabulary and splendid grammar – but he’s impotent, because he’s pretending to be someone he’s not. He’s hiding behind a fake personality and can’t even tell his mother what he’s up to.

“I’m a superhero, mother. An effete British superhero, to be precise.”

Jeff’s moment of triumph comes when he admits who he really is. From that moment on, he’s as tough and resourceful as any of the team. The same goes for the freelancer: bring pride in yourself and your real personality to your work will make it that much better. (Pride, not ego!)

Mr. Furious

He’s angry. He loves to rant. He’s a ticking time-bomb of fury. He’s also the character everyone laughs at because, when it comes down to it, he’s all bluster. There’s no content. His worst moment comes when Mr. Furious realises that, after all his shouting and screaming, he’s just Roy. That’s followed by discovering his real power: his love of Monica.

“I’m a wannabe. I AM a wannabe – a TRUE wannabe, in the worst sense of..”

As a freelancer, you can rant and rave all you like and people will be amused – but if that’s all you do, you’ll never be sure if they’re laughing with you or at you. Create content on a subject you’re passionate about (it doesn’t have to be Claire Forlani) and you will find your true voice.

Invisible Boy

The boy with the power to become invisible – unless anyone, including himself, is looking – seems to be completely useless. But as The Shoveler tells him, his moment of glory will come – when the team needs to bypass an electric eye.

“I’m invisible. Can you see me?” – “Yes!”

New freelancers can feel invisible. No one notices. No one cares. You have a talent, but what use is it if your work gets no visitors, no page views, no publicity? Like Invisible Boy, you have to hold on, believe in yourself and keep working. Everyone has their place, their moment in the spotlight. Your time will come.

The Spleen

The man with the super power no one really wants to hear about (and a pair of seriously funky shoes), The Spleen is someone who’s unwelcome in most places. He’s the base, crass side of things, getting laughs through bodily-function jokes.

“I don’t want to stand behind you, but I’ll fight beside you with pride,” says The Shoveler.

The freelancer who resembles The Spleen is someone whose talents are misdirected. They may be writing the wrong content or they may be – for want of a better expression- walking against the wind. When their skills are pointed in the right direction, they’ll leave you gasping. In astonishment, I mean.

The Bowler

The “odd one out” in the team is The Bowler – not only because she’s the only girl, but because she’s the only one with real, demonstrable talent. Flinging her custom-made bowling ball (with her deceased father’s skull inside it), she’s out for revenge on poor old Eddie Izzard (as Tony P. of the Disco Boys).

“There’s another chicken. Crazy chicken world.”

Her freelancer equivalent is someone who has definite talent, but has so far failed. Why? Because even if you’re better than pretty much everyone else put together, it’s incredibly tough to stand alone: you’ll need friends, colleagues and a whole lot of social contact if you want to make freelancing your full-time job (and not go mad).

The Sphinx

One might expect the man who brings the team together to be an exception to the way the characters grow in the film, but he’s not. Faced with apparently overwhelming odds, even the “terribly mysterious” Sphinx opts to run away. Only The Shoveler’s determination and dedication stops him from leaving.

“To learn my teachings, I must first teach you how to learn.”

The experienced freelancer often tries to help the newbie. Unfortunately, a lot of those teachings can sound more like ineffectually formulaic pontification than anything useful. The Sphinx learns a new measure of courage from his students, just as any experienced freelancer can learn from newcomers. Keep an open mind.

Who’s Who?

So tell me – which Mystery Man are you?