Bend Over, I’d Like To Sell You Something
Dear Marketer,
Thank you so much for your kind message of support and encouragement, which I received yesterday. I think it’s wonderful that social networking can bring people like you into my life, with your truly unbelievable offers of ways to be a success. I hadn’t realised I was a failure until now.
I could barely believe your incredible generosity when I visited your site and signed up for your email updates. Never has my inbox been so full of positive messages and so many guaranteed ways to earn $43,000 every day (even in my sleep!) and to be irresistible to women. Thank goodness your Carefully Selected Third-Party Associates are running a special offer on a year’s supply of Viagra, or I’d really be in trouble with my innumerable future conquests!
Your message is even more special because it shows that not only are you truly an Agent of Change, but also a mind-reader. Even I didn’t know that I needed an Easy Way To Get 71,902 Twitter Followers and all the happiness that such an achievement can bring. I seem to have missed why it’s important, but I’m sure that once I buy a subscription to your site, it will become clear.
I find it inspiring that successful millionaires like you do not simply enjoy their life with holidays overseas and expensive parties, but spend all day on the Internet, giving people like me the opportunity to emulate their success. You have restored my faith in human nature after so many deceptions at the hands of people running those Programs That Don’t Work!
I am very much looking forward to joining you on your Spiritual Journey of Authenticity, too. I’ve had a bit of trouble understanding what that means, but I think it’s probably related to something you talk about in your free eBook – the one entitled “47 Other eBooks I’ve Written That Will Make You Rich”. As soon as my welfare cheque arrives, I will purchase these Important Resources. My friends say I’m mad, but I know that I won’t need to worry about buying food once I have your Guaranteed Income System working for me.
I have to admit that I doubted you at first, but your quotes and testimonials from Reliable Sources convinced me. I’ve never heard of any of them, but that just reassures me that an everyday Joe like me can be rich and successful, too. Hopefully I will soon be able to move into my very own $1.2 million dream house using only the Assured Techniques in your course. I’m thinking of dealing in real estate, actually, with some venture capital that I should soon receive from Dr. Nbogo in Nigeria. I shouldn’t talk about that, though, because the managers at the bank where he works don’t know the funds exist.
For now, I’m looking forward to Growing My Downline with you and making my life a success by using your Incredible Money Machine. It’ll be great to have tons of spare time, too, since it only takes an hour a day: I can finally stop working those ten-hour shifts to support my family!
Yours sincerely,
A. Mug
..and thank you for your ‘blue link-blue framed image-red text blinking’ landing pages which are explaining so well to me and other everyday Joes how you are going to help us. Probably some Web 2.56 state of the art web design would confuse simple people like me, so thank you again for the 1996 what we grew up on, I know It’s not about your budget, it’s about your wishful thinking.
Hahahahaha. Great post Spike. I love those people and somehow on Twitter I had a period when they just came with their genuine interest to follow me. I always remember the student (but not where the story comes from) who was begging on the street with a sign: “I’m a uni student, i collect money for beer”. If you try to make money with 0% work and effort, at least try to make it in a smart and honest way because actually it can work.
Brilliant Spike.
If you could please supply a few grams of whatever medication you are on?
We can negotiate terms later.
BTW is the grammar Nazi going to pen a similar nice letter?
Why do grammar Nazis hate grammar Jews?
Szabi: Oh, how could I forget the epilepsy-inducing flashing ads?! Excellent! That student reminds me of a local homeless guy on the street where I lived in Paris. He and his friend were really nice. Bumped into him one night and he asked for some money (which he NEVER did with me, just stopped and chatted). When I was surprised and asked why, he said “I really want to get completely drunk.” Sounded like a good reason to me!
Andy: No drugs needed – I think my brain foments its own somehow! The Nazi’s a bit tired at the moment from editing overload, but maybe he’ll come out later to play. We’ll see…!!
Steven: I have absolutely no idea what a Grammar Jew would be, I’m afraid! (But isn’t it interesting how the latter term will probably be considered almost racist, whereas the former isn’t at all? Hmmm.)
I think my dad’s mum was a Grammer Jew
freelunch – I hope she wasn’t in Europe in the 40s. Anyways, I think the grammar Jews are getting revenge against the grammar Palestinians now for what the grammar Nazis did to them. I hope one day we won’t need grammar at all and everyone can live in peace.
Hi Folks,
Bluddy awesome Spike
.
And I’ve only just now sent a ‘Dear John’ email to a courting ‘Internet Marketer’.
I wish I’d seen this first! :- )
Cheers
Stephen G
PS Congrats on your Scribia Review – http://bit.ly/Rk8Co …bluddy well done cobba :- )