The Word Philes 5
This edition of The Word Philes is brought to you courtesy of a women’s clothing catalogue. I kid you not. Recently, I ordered some new tops for my lady (it’s Spring, new clothes are apparently as essential as food and drink right now) and the bank refused my card. No idea why, but it’s a bank, so that’s normal: the re-order worked fine, of course.
As notification of the failed first attempt, I received a letter. Given that there’s no real signature, I assume it was automatically generated by their ordering system. The text is reproduced below.
Thank you for your Credit/Debit Card order, for your convenience details of your order are shown below.{…}
On this occasion, we have been unable to secure authorisation from the Card Issuer against the items marked with a *, as a result, we are unable to despatch these items.
We may have been unable to secure authorisation for a number of reasons and should you wish to re-order, please do so by calling our Order line on {number removed} having to hand your Credit or Debit Card, alternatively you can visit ‘my account’. In the event of re-ordering by post please enclose a cheque or postal order to cover the value of your order.
Apparently, when this company’s automated ordering system was implemented, the letters it produces were not considered important enough to be written properly.
For starters, all but one of the phrases reproduced is a run-on sentence. The second paragraph states that marked items were not dispatched, but there should be quotes around that asterisk, for clarity’s sake.
The final paragraph’s first sentence is terribly unwieldy and unclear. There should be a period after “reasons”, since the second part of the (run-on) sentence addresses an entirely different subject. “Order Line” should have both words capitalised, since it is a proper name and is written as such in the company’s documentation.
It is also unclear exactly what is meant by ‘my account’: in this case, the letter refers to the ‘My Account’ section of the company’s web site (note the proper name capitalisation, as taken from said site). The original usage virtually invites the reader to look at the letter-writer’s account, although they are saved from deriving this precise meaning by the quotes around the web reference.
Thankfully, the company in question is excellent in other ways: they send updates on an order’s progress by email, include parcel tracking references and always respond very quickly to queries. It’s a shame their system-generated missives compare so badly.
Lesson to learn: don’t let the programmers write the computer-generated letters. It just makes your company’s customer service staff look bad.
[Originally published at www.wordophilia.com]
